I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
