Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I want her autograph on my taint
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
