I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
