I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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