Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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