Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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