During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
