I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
