the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
