Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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