i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
