Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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