Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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