3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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