I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
