i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i drank out of a bidet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
