is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
