Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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