2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
