from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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