There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
