So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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