YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
