At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
