I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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