So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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