Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
