he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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