Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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