So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
