It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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