i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
