My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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