Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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