I can feel you judging me through the phone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
