Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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