You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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