FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
