No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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