At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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