I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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