Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
porn star boner night. come get it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
