I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
