The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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