absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
