K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
