if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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