Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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