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Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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