go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
try to milk me bitch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
