You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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