Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
