Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
