she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have post one night stand depression
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
