I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
