OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well I just put wine in my tea
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
