She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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