I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
