There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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